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Glenn Hunt Wiki
Welcome to the Glenn Hunt Wiki GLENN HUNT IS THE MAN! Welcome, you have reached the Wiki page of the Glenn The Man Hunt. GLENN HUNT IS THE MAN! Summary: *Age: Glennfinity Years Old *Date of Birth: March 5th, 1900 & Glenn. (He was resurrected by "The Church of Glenn" followers). *Children: Nelson Mandela, Lady Gaga *Nationality: Glennican *Religion: Scientology (Commonly referred to as "The Church of Glenn"), The Church of Flame *Hobbies: Chimney Sweeping, being "The Man", Quilting, Shark Punching, Vacuuming, Rhino Riding, Nurturing the Rainforest *Political Viewpoints: Conservative for all things Glenn Early Life: Not much is known about the early years of Glenn Hunt. It is said that he was named after a famous light fixture salesman, others say he was raised by wolves, the truth is, no one knows. It is also true that no one knows how he became "The Man", but the origin is commonly linked to his infamous flame shirt. Relationships: Glenn has been a ladies man all his life. It is said that during preschool while other children his age were playing with playdough and crayons, he was scoring with his teacher. When we asked Glenn to verify if this was in fact a true story, his response was "niiiiiiiiiice". He is currently in what he says is his 132nd relationship with the gal from Scooby Doo. It has been noted several times that Glenn wants 15 children. All boys. All named Glenn. Soccer Experience and Spiritual Awakening: Inspired by his Mexican roots after his rebirth, Glenn became an experienced soccer player. He was offered to play Major League Soccer for the San Jose Earthquakes before he was out of high school. He played goalie for 69 games before he was banned by Tim Dickson, the president of Major League Soccer, who said: "This Glenn guy isn't human, no one can score on him. We can't have him playing with the other athletes. He makes them look bad. I hope he spares me and my family." Glenn replied the next day to the San Jose Mercury News with six words, "This noob can't handle my manliness." Tim Dickson is now known throughout San Jose as, "That Noob". Tim is still alive today, meaning Glenn did choose to spare him and his family. Upon leaving Major League Soccer, Glenn became an employee at Target. He shaved his "Glenn T", and lived unrecognized for a few months. Glenn announced shortly after in an interview with the Rolling Stoners magazine that normal jobs "suck total ass", and that he had decided to "not give a fuck" until Target dropped him from his 10-year contract. Glenn went on to pick up a drinking habit. His favorite drink being a mixture of Vodka and Mannitol (a hexahydric sugar alcohol, C6H14O6, present in many plants, which is also a diuretic). This potent diuretic combination led to Glenn peeing a modern day yellow brick road, which is now a popular tourist attraction in south San Jose. The musician R. Kelly is known to have started his rapping career in San Jose, and takes inspiration from the road which can be heard in his music and seen in his romantic life. In late 2010, Glenn reportedly got very drunk and started "doing the Zoidberg" around the city. Glenn claimed that it was a spiritual awakening, and that his spirit animal was the lobster from Futurama. To this day, he lives life through his spirit animal. Instead of becoming a doctor like Zoidberg, Glenn decided to study something truly unique, chimney sweeping. Glenn majored in chimney sweeping at Glenn college in Glendale, CA. If you think the names are a coincidence, think again. The college and town named themselves after Glenn Hunt. After majoring in chimney sweeping he dated a gal named Velma Dinkley (famous for her work on Scooby Doo). Glenn's Shirt: Glenn Hunt is known to many as the God of Flame. His shirt is often linked to the cause of massive forest fires worldwide. Many believe that Glenn was inspired to create the Flame Shirt after eating carolina reaper flavored beef jerky which made him shit fire for three days. Global warming denialists insist that global warming is not man-made, but Glenn made. The possible benefits of flame shirt are not well studied by humans, but it was once told that Glenn Hunt saved four starving children by cooking them smores on his shirt. The Glenn T: The "Glenn T" is a mustache-beard combo in the shape of a "T". It allows Glenn to deny the basic laws of our universe. This allows Glenn to be unaffected by time. How or when Glenn was first born, is still not known. Glenn is able to fly due to the anti-gravity powers which the "Glenn T" possesses. Glenn rarely uses T-Power to fly, however, because the power of his beard can create a massive explosion upon landing. The extinction of the dinosaurs happened soon after Glenn landed off the Mexican Yucatán penninsula approximately 65 million years ago Chicxulub crater. This was perhaps revenge, as an Erectopus named "Jesus Del Grande" had inappropriately tried to make love to Glenn's beard while he was quilting in his summer home Hobbies. Today, Glenn statues can be seen throughout Mexico, because if it wasn't for Glenn, dinosaurs would still rule earth. All the statues in Mexico present Glenn with a flaming shirt and a sombrero. Glenn's Theme Song: ''' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow6lg2tAqsY If you have never heard the song then you have never met the ultimate Glenn Hunt. He is always singing it. Night and day. Day and night. The singing of his unique rendition of Eye of the Tiger is one that has captured the hearts of many. It brings smiles to the saddest of people, it brings hope to those that are lost, and most importantly if you hear the song, it means Glenn is about to enter your presence. The song has gone on to win 69 grammys and has never left the #1 single spot on all charts. When Starbucks came to Glenn to ask him to use his song, you know what he said? He said, "Fuck thats a lot of Pylons..." and as they say...the rest is history. '''Conspiracies: The Oregon Trail is a 2170-mile large-wheeled wagon route first trekked by Glenn Hunt back at the dawn of the 17th century. Sometimes Glenn would lollygag on his trek, thinking for countless days about how he could design an even more badass flame shirt. A little-known fact about Glenn is that his manpower starts to take over his physical appearance after 1337 days of not shaving. In essence, he turns into a hairy beast. This has caused a lot of problems in the great northwest. Early settlers following in his footsteps first started to spread the myth of a manly furry beast that did not live in normal society. This has lead to the evolution of the Bigfoot Conspiracy, one of the most forward-thinking conspiracies to have ever existed. Fur traders were especially fascinated by the chance at acquiring the fur of Glenn Hunt. It was said to be one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs ever created, and will boost your Manliness attribute by over 9000 points. The Rain Forest: Glenn "Gigante" Hunt often spends his time nurturing the rain forest. He was once strutting through the Amazon rainforest when he encountered a Flame Toad. He was ironically dehydrated from a 92 hour quilting marathon where he did not drink, eat, or sleep. Out of confusion, he mistook the Flame Toad for a bean burrito and ate the toad. Upon ingestion, 5-MeO-GMT (5-methoxy-N,N-glennmethyltryptamine) rushed through his veins and to his cereberal Glennospheres. Glenn turned once again into his spirit animal, Doctor Zoidberg. Glenn hypnotically urinated a unique map to the underground Burrito Kingdom somewhere in the 1.7 billion acre Amazon rainforest. Before deciphering the map, he blacked out for 6 days.When he finally woke up, he was riding a flaming rhino through the streets of Spain in a "Running of the Rhinos" event. He was said to have trampled 9 people. He won the award for "Most Dangerous Rhino Jockey", along with a free, all paid tour of Spain. Before he could accept his award, he flew back to the Amazon Rainforest to search for the Burrito Kingdom. It is unknown if he ever found the Burrito Kingdom. Tourists come to the Amazon rainforest every year to search for the map to Burrito Kingdom. Glenn's piss is said to have stained the earth orange, meaning the orange map is somewhere to be found. It is now more searched for than Bigfoot. The Animal Planet television show, "Finding Bigfoot" has been re-done to "Finding Glenn's Piss", and is hosted by Bear Grylls. Glenn On Drugs: Glenn is known to become extra strong when he takes stimulants such as caffeine. It is said that Glenn becomes so energetic that when he bitch slaps someone, their brain shifts into two-dimensional space for a split second. This slap has long been called the Glenn On Drugs Slap (GOD Slap for short). A slap so hard, that people suffer from a mental disease that leads them to believe the earth is actually flat. In recent culture, Glenn has had to bitch slapped a lot of people, celebrities included. In 2010, Glenn GOD slapped Rapper B.o.B. while B.o.B was filming the music video for his hit single "Airplanes". At the same time, B.o.B. came out with the Soul Train Music Award's best song of the year: "Nothin on You" featuring Bruno Mars. Last minute, B.o.B called for a replacement of the words "Beautiful Glenn" with "Beautiful Girl" because he was scared the music industry wouldn't accept him for being gay for the Glenn. B.o.B's career has since fallen off of the flat earth, not winning a single music award since 2010. As of 2018, B.o.B still believes the earth is flat. It is not known if B.o.B will ever recover from the GOD Slap. Mantis Toboggin: Church of Flame follower Frank Reynolds had a mystical experience in 2013 after touching the all-knowing Flame Shirt. He described the experience as being touched by a Flaming Angel. He had a series of prolonged delusions where over the following days he embodied the Angel of "Mantis Toboggin M.D. (Man Doctor)", and went around town attempting to impress girls with monster condoms for his magnum dong. New Glenn: ' The ''New Glenn is a privately funded orbital launch vehicle in development by Blue Origin (by Amazon Overlord Jeff Bezeus god of Thunder). The New Glenn is expected to make its initial test launch in 2020. Design work on the vehicle began in 2012 after Glenn Hunt announced that he was retiring his charity work of giving flat earthers free piggyback rides to space to show that the earth was indeed round. New Glenn is described as a 7-meter-diameter tribute to Glenn Hunt. The initial launch protocol will be powered by seven mini Flame Shirts. '''Elon Musk: Elon Musk (the God of Mars) was severely bullied throughout his childhood, so he found inspiration in the manliness of Glenn Hunt. Musk taught himself computer programming at the age of 12. By age 13 he had created G++, a programming language infused with the manliness of Glenn. Glenn was so impressed with Musk's genius that he became a mentor to Musk. Musk went on to create SpaceX, a company that combines genius engineering with a unique rocket fuel source, Glenn's poo. Glenn acquired these powerful crapping abilities after doing further inner work with his spirit animal, Doctor Zoidberg. Through Zoidberg, he met a small alien named Nibbler who gave him the power to channel his Man energy into his bowels. Glenn poo is said to be one of the most fuel efficient sources of energy to have ever existed. In pop culture, rap genius Kanye West paid homage to Glenn's poop in his 2018 song titled "Lift Yourself". Kanye claimed that every man, woman, and child will be able to free themselves from their mental and physical chains to earth, all thanks to Glenn's poop. Kanye's profound lyrics describe the delicate process of scooping Glenn's poop into the Falcon Heavy Rocket's fuel chambers: "Poopy-di scoop. Scoop-diddy-whoop. Whoop-di-scoop-Glenn's-poop." Nemesis: The HP 8500 had been Glenn's long-time manservant, but often refused to do its only job, print. On the sunny day of July 6th, 2018, the printer began to outright refuse to print in black ink. The HP 8500 printer had become self-aware, and sexually attracted to colored ink, and would refuse to print in black until it had new Yellow ink inserted into its socket. When Glenn finally ran around town to find a Yellow cartridge willing to do the job, the HP 8500 demanded a magenta cartridge as well. Glenn then had had enough, and declared war. Glenn stated that he made a mistake in overlooking the initial warning sign, that the HP was not over 9000. The facts about Glenn Hunt: #Glenn Hunt once got smacked in the face with a PB&J sandwich. He thoroughly enjoyed it. #Glenn Hunt is good friends with Bill Murray (see picture) #Glenn Hunt has a birthday any time he wants one. #Glenn Hunt loves Apple products and has had every version of the iPhone. #Glenn Hunt's favorite band is Duran Duran (see below picture) #Glenn Hunt and Velma Dinkley do not like pregnancy jokes. #Glenn Hunt writes short stories despite his fans wanting an autobiography. #Glenn frequently Post-Its his whole car to let people know that he is flaming on. #There is only one Glenn Hunt; all others claiming to be Glenn Hunt are imposters or Glenn Hunt in disguise. #Glenn Hunt currently lives in Glendale, which was renamed after he took up residence there. The townsfolk dropped an "n" to avoid taking Glenn's name in vain.